@ San Diego Art Museum
When you are waiting for a significant event- in my case the release of the new Crocodiles record in a couple of weeks- you are in a weird situation where something that occupies a huge part of your concern is ALSO something you are trying to ignore and not discuss. I've witnesses many of my friends have children, which seems to implicate many of the same emotions that I experience prior to an LP being released. Here are the things that I associate with the emotions my friends experience after child birth:
1. It is the biggest thing that has ever happened.
2. It changes their life forever.
3. It creates feeling of significance, of the continuation of one's existence past death.
Honestly, I think it's a similar feeling for Artists and businesses that are in the business of bringing Art into the world. Not to denigrate the emotional significance of child birth, but is the biggest achievement for 99% of humanity because they don't achieve much else.
If one is failing to achieve any of your pre-child birth goals, the birth of a child is often the way to escape that failure and create a sense of accomplishment. I'm not saying that is wrong, more power to people, but it is only in the way of observing that while most people know or have heard about child birth and what it means, very few people have given rise to a significant, lasting work of art that endures for years, decades or centuries, and even fewer people have been the 'father' to the artist/mother- facilitating the entry of that particular work of art into the world.
I think such an event- the introduction of a specific work of Art that obtains a lasting Audience over years and decades- evokes similar emotions for the Artist/mother and the Distributor/father(or second mother, or the Artist is the father, whatever this isn't a gender thing.)
But of course, very few specific works of Art achieve immortal status or even maintain the attention of a noticeable Audience for any period of time. It's like if 99% of babies were born dead. Or maybe more like a situation where reproduction entails millions of children and only a few survive longer then 24 hours.
So while I know plenty of people who have had children- god bless you all and congratulations for reproducing, and while I know fewer but still many people who are Artists who have created a specific work that has found an enduring Audience (measured in terms of years or decades and hopefully for multiple decades), I don't know anyone- personally- who has played the role that I play with releasing LPs or say movies. There just aren't many people out there.
And that's why the time before a record release is such a nerve wracking time. I can't talk to the Artist/partner about it- of course- because they don't want to talk it. I can't talk to people about it to people who don't have any experience in that arena, because they don't care. I can write about my emotions on this blog.
I've spent years NOT writing about emotions in this space because I didn't think it was flattering/appropriate but the more I contemplate the existence/purpose of a blog in the first place, parallel to thinking about Artists and there work... I don't know what the point is if not to communicate personal experience and emotion to the Audience.
In this scenario, the response is less important because the catharsis is obtained by the writing down of the inchoate emotions in such a way that I can think about them more rationally and dispel anxiety. It's a useful exercise, in other word.
My last time out with a new record was a good experience- a live birth as they. It felt good, being a significant part of something that will be around for years to come, something that people can point to and say "it exists." Much, the same way I think, it feels when one has a child. If there is anyone who has experience both things(having a kid and releasing a succesful work of art), let me know if I'm right about the comparison.